why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
