I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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