so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
