I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
