i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
