he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
