I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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