Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
