The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
