I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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