Me too!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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