So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
