The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
