Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
