end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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