dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
