i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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