He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
