so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
