After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
