I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
