Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
