I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
operation harelip BJ is a go
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
