did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
