just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
