a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
