Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
