You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
MIDGETS
????
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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