blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
PANTIES FOUND
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
