How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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