During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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