Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
