I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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