I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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