I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
