apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
too bad you live with your parents still
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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