So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
