I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
