Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
