Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
