what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
