he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
