like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
