well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How does one acquire holy water?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
