so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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