I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
