wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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