I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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