the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
