Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
