Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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