The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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