I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
