I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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