My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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