I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
